Let me preface the following by saying this entry is not rooted in bitterness or anger, at all. It's more questioning and confusion.
Picture this: Boston, November 2003. What seems to be a great relationship with the person I am in love with suddenly ends for no particular reason; or rather because he felt like he needed to see if he could live without being dependent on a relationship. While I didn't understand why it was happening, there was nothing I could do about it. Time marched on, he quickly marched on without me, and I had to pick up my bags and ship off to start life anew.
Fast forward to a little over a year later. We are friends now and have managed to build a friendship out of the 2 years we were together. We talk about everything these days, including our lives and our relationships. I have always been supportive and that will never change. But, when I hear things like "I don't like being lonely" and "I need someone there to support me" or "There aren't any normal guys out there" I have to bite my tongue. I feel like saying, "Um, you left that." One part of me wants him to regret or question the decision he made back then; the other part of me feels bad and tries to offer helpful advice.
I guess I'm just confused. I was loving, supportive, appreciative, gracious... I took care of things so he wouldn't have to worry about them. I supported him in his job, with his family. These new guys he tells me about? Nada. They're selfish, they lie, are disrespectful. To see him up in arms over people that treat him like crap doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, it doesn't have to make sense to me. But, how can you complain when you left someone who gave you everything you're now complaining about?
Regardless, I still care about him and want to see the best for him. I will never be anything but supportive. And even though I question things sometimes, it hasn't changed anything. If it isn't going to be with me, the best I can hope for is someone who will treat him just as good, or better. And I will never let him settle for anything less.


